WEEK 4 RECAP

Dalvin & the Chipmunks (1-3) – 90.28
Illegal use of hands (3-1) – 129.28

Why Brian won:  Bob Woods (22.90), Gallman (24.80), Ebron’s 1 catch (11.30)
Why Eric lost: Poop Balt D (-1.00), The 4.80 Trio (OJ, Samuel, Boyd)

Lamar Jax continues to roll, even if it is in junk-time after getting summarily humiliated by the awful Baker and the Browns. Goff managed to throw the ball 70 times and still ended up with far less points than LJax and less than Bobby Woods as well. Riddle me that. Gallman filled in quite nicely for Saquon and is looking to be worth what Brian paid. My team stinks, save me Melvin! I play George this week, let me win.

Da Bad News Bears (2-2) – 109.38
Football Sage! (3-1) – 121.30

Why Dad won: Pats D (25.00), Corey Davis (17.60), Momo Sanu (13.60)
Why Tim lost: The Bad Mack (3.90), Greg Olsen (1.50), Matty Ice (15.68)

I just read ‘Why Dad won’ out loud again: his defense, Corey Davis and Mohamed Sanu. Huh. How about that. I mocked Dad for taking the Pats D super early but apparently I’m a big dummy and know nothing about football. Dad didn’t play Godwin and wasn’t penalized for it (no judgment, neither did I in another league). Tim’s team didn’t do too poorly but Marlon Mack inexplicably got yanked from the game at the end in favor of Hines and Kyle Allen sucks (duh).

HotChubbTimeMachine (3-1) – 136.80
141 2/3% ChanceToWin (2-2) – 101.14

Why Dave won:  CHUBB (37.80), Davante Adams (23.00), Dissly (15.20)
Why Jeff lost: Hopkins (5.60), Odell (3.00), Sammy (4.90)

BUY LOW WINDOW CLOSED: Davante Adams explodes. Well, but then it sort of opened again because he got hurt. Trade him to me. Nick Chubb absolutely murdered the Ravens. Just gross. 183 yards and 3 TDs. WHEW. Jeff lost because he played bums like DeAndre Hopkins and Odell Beckham. Clearly he should’ve targeted studs like Mohamed Sanu and Corey Davis. Adjust your draft strategy for next year Jeffrey, The Football Sage has wisdom to impart. (But seriously help me though, what am I doing wrong, all of my teams stink)

Just Doulis. (2-2) – 124.68
The Champ(?) (0-4) – 94.20

Why George won: RAJAHS (26.48), Gurley (22.50), Coop and Hoops (22.40, 17.50)
Why Dags lost:  Wide Receivers made me puke on my shoes (4 WRS – 14.30 combined points)

Rodgers finally had a good game. Who knew that throwing to Davante Adams would be a good idea? George’s Rams did work because there were like 200 points scored in that game. Gurley actually looked pretty shitty but scored 2 TDs. Better hope that keeps going. Austin Hooper! 17.50 without a TD? I got my eye on you big fella. #2 TE by average, I see you Hooper. Trade him to me for OJ? He was supposed to be good, what’s that worth? Dags has probably given up. I’ve practically given up and I have a lot more hope than Dags at this point. What do you do with a WR crew like that? Truly heinous. Maybe T.Y. comes back this week and gives Dags a prayer against Jim in the FINALS REMATCH.

BabyCharkblabla (2-2) – 135.20
CBDblabla (1-3) – 99.30

Why Jim won: The W-Eater (30.30), Fournette (25.50), Seattle D (16.00)
Why Ryan lost:  Demarcus Robinson (5.50), Mahomes (18.00)

The battle of the 2 teams whose names I don’t feel like typing out. Fournette pounded Denver. Those 25.50 don’t include a single touchdown and 200+ yards rushing. The Bucs scored 50+ so Jameis got a couple points this week as well. This will be the only game of the year that Mahomes doesn’t score a TD. He still got 18 but that is like 10 below expectation at this point. Ryan needs Mahomes to win. Period.

I Hardly Hit Her (3-1) – 70.28
Fart Huffing M.D.’s (2-2) – 85.00

Why Justin won: Golladay (21.20), 404 File Not Found
Why Rambo lost: Everyone but CMC

Take it away Judge Judy. This one was ugly. Kenny Golladay had a good game and that is pretty much the only good thing I can say about this one. The once fearsome Rambo shit all over himself in this one. Didn’t help that Keenum got hurt/benched/whatever but I mean…you played Case Keenum. What are you really expecting? 10-14 points? The fact McCaffrey put up 30 and Rambo put up 70 is legitimately shocking. Patrick hopes this is a one time anomaly. Justin will take the free win despite not earning it in any way, shape, or form.

Good luck next week!