Alvin & the Chipmunks (3-0) – 150.90
Football Sage! (1-2) – 117.88
Why Eric Won: Kamara (38.20), Tyler Boyd (17.50), Tampa D (18.00)
Why Dad Lost: Slayton (4.80), Devante Parker (9.40)
Dad ran into the Kamara Express, not much you can do about it. He has 6 touchdowns through 3 weeks which matches his total count from 2019. He is on a different level right now. He is an absurd 6 points better than the #2 RB by average, Aaron Jones and is only behind Russell Wilson and Josh Allen among ALL PLAYERS. Dad had a perfectly fine performance, Dak and Kareem Hunt in particular are looking very good, but he wasn’t beating Kamara’s 40 this week.
Da Bad News Bears (0-3) – 120.82
Flappin in the Brees (1-2) – 177.52
Why Dave Won: Ekeler (25.80), JRob (27.90), Cooper Kupp (21.20), Indy D (26.00)
Why Tim Lost: Ingram (3.00), Monty (6.40)
Yowch. Speaking of buzz-saws, Tim is locked into the useless title of highest points against. Dave could not be stopped this week with highlight performances from pretty much everyone on his team. This had to have felt like redemption after a tough loss last week. As for Tim, what can you say? With a different schedule you might be 3-0…but you’re not. At least the Bears are somehow 3-0.
Illegal use of hands (1-2) – 99.58
Go Wilfork Yourself (2-1) – 86.08
Why Brian Won: Derrick Henry (26.00), Sony? (15.00)
Why Dags Lost: Everyone minus Chubb
Ah, feels good busting out one of my favorite gifs. This was a pathetic performance from both teams, Dags shit the bed harder. Dags was due for a regression, I just wasn’t expecting one this major. I’d almost prefer all of my guys to have their bad week during the same week though. At least Sony looked good for the first time in 2 years? That’s about all I can say about this one.
Just Doulis. (1-2) – 110.50
The Philly Special (1-2) – 102.06
Why George Won: Keenan (23.70), Wentz (23.50), Nuk (18.70)
Why Matt Lost: Odell (7.90), Mixon (7.50), Engram (3.70)
I came pretty close to using the Judge Judy gif again but Wentz is going to be the highlight of this blurb. Is there anything worse than having to listen to someone repeatedly bitch about a player only to have them score 23.5 points? You should be locked into whatever score they have when you start bitching about them, perhaps a new rule for next year? The tuck your tail between your legs rule? Both of these teams have straight up stunk the first 3 weeks but it feels like they both have guys that HAVE TO bounce back. We’ll see.
WashingtonCovidskins (0-3) – 128.70
FantasyFootballTeam (3-0) – 136.40
Why Justin Won: RussLockett (69.30), Dalvin (24.90)
Why Jim Lost: Mark Andrews (3.70), D’Andre Swift (2.40)
“Russell Wilson to Tyler Lockett is fucking unstoppable.” Hard to disagree. This was a weird one. Justin who seemingly could not lose, almost did just that. Aaron Jones and New Orleans D combined for like 12 points, and Mahomes dropped 40. If Mark Andrews showed up, Justin easily could have lost this one. Where has Jim been? Anyone heard from him at all? I sent him trade offers: ghosted ~ texts: ghosted. I haven’t heard a word of smack talk this year. Is that why he is 0-3? It doesn’t feel like Jim’s heart is in it this year. We’ll see if that changes in the coming weeks.
Lord of the Wins (2-1) – 95.34
If he dies he dies (3-0) – 113.82
Why Jeff Won: Conner (22.90), Bobby Woods (18.90)
Why Rambo Lost: Julio (O), Davante Adams (O), AJB (O)
Jeff was honestly pretty lucky in this one. He had a couple of decent performances and a couple of crappy ones. Nothing overly concerning, just a down week. Thankfully he got to face Rambo’s injury-ridden pack of Cole Beasley and waiver-wire RBs. Hard to win when 3 out of your 4 first picks don’t play. Now Rambo’s favorite team is in COVID danger this week. Rambo could use about 6 IR spots right now. Not ideal.
MAKE IT RAIN 