Alvin & the Chipmunks (4-0) – 131.32
Illegal use of hands (1-3) – 97.02
Why Eric Won: Chark (25.50), Chris Carson (23.50)
Why Brian Lost: Had to play Brian Hill and Dion Lewis
Well, we made it all the way to Week 4 without the league being affected by COVID-19. My opponent this week was maybe the most heavily affected, losing his 1st round pick, Derrick Henry to an early “bye.” This forced Brian to play all-stars Dion Lewis and Brian Hill to the tune of 6 combined points. My team did enough to stay afloat and beat Brian’s crippled team.
Da Bad News Bears 0-4) – 116.48
Football Sage! (2-2) – 179.98
Why Dad Won: Dak (38.28), Kittle (32.60), Amari Cooper (27.40), Thielen (22.20)
Why Tim Lost: Monty (9.20), Kelce (8.50), Bears D (2.00)
Who needs Saquon Barkley? Dad put up the highest score of the year this week. Dak Prescott is on pace to fucking SMASH the passing yards record by over 1000 yards. He is on pace for a disgusting 6760 passing yards (the single season record is Peyton Manning with 5477). Needless to say, Amari Cooper has been benefiting from this as well. Kittle made a triumphant return to the line up catching 15 passes for a million yards and a touchdown. Kirk Cousins throws like 20 passes a game but 10 of them go to Thielen so who cares? Dad’s team is rolling, especially now that Chubb is out for 4-6 weeks, making Kareem Hunt, who was already a borderline RB1, a true blue RB1.
Poor Tim…
Flappin in the Brees (2-2) – 102.30
If he dies he dies (3-1) – 85.80
Why Dave Won: Cooper Kupp (15.20), Diggs (14.50)
Why Jeff Lost: Ridley (0.00), Matty Ice (12.40), Gallup (3.90)
The stinker of the week! No real winners in this one, though I doubt Dave will turn his nose up at a W. Average performances from Cooper Kupp and Diggs were the highlight of this one for Dave. He unfortunately lost Austin Ekeler to a multi-week injury (Joshua Kelley is available), so he will have to tread water without him next week against Dad. Jeff’s team is falling apart! Calvin Ridley is dealing with a hamstring injury but getting a straight up zero from the former WR1 has to be super discouraging. Speaking of discouraging, how does Mike Gallup have like 3 catches when Dak throws the ball 70 times a game? Jeff has to be frustrated with his team (I would be) but this is likely as low as his team will score all season. He has a get right match-up with…oops, the league’s top scorer, Justin.
Just Doulis. (2-2) – 110.76
Go Wilfork Yourself (2-2) – 99.64
Why George Won: TB12 (33.46), Mike Davis (19.60)
Why Dags Lost: Chubb (Injured), JT (8.40), Josh Jacobs (8.80)
Of course George is 2-2 with the lowest points in the league by 20 points. He is a fantasy cockroach. His team is (I think) pretty awful, even after replacing MT but he just pulls out wins somehow. I am sure I will lose to him this week 105-104 or something. Things have quickly spiraled out of control for Dags. His hot start has been cooled by COVID (Cam/Diontae Johnson) and injuries (Chubb). His team is still doing fine, but it is looking like more of an uphill climb than it did a few weeks ago.
WashingtonCovidskins (0-4) – 98.52
The Philly Speacial (2-2) – 160.20
Why Matt Won: ODB (35.90), Mixon (39.10), Gurley (18.80)
Why Jim Lost: A.J. Green (0.80), Darrell Henderson (4.30), Ertz (4.90), Higbee (3.60)
What a week for Matt! Odell and Mixon both EXPLODED with 3 touchdowns apiece. Bill O’Brien was finally fired (presumably at least pretty good for Watson). The Eagles even won a game which immediately launched them into 1st place because the NFC East is a joke of a division. After cringing watching his lineup for several weeks, this has to feel like vindication. If you’re looking for Matt, you can find him on Cloud 9. Matt beat YahooFantasyFootballBot#36 this week. Might as well be anyway, is Jim alive? Haven’t heard a word from him. Hasn’t said a word all year, hasn’t responded to a single trade offer, hasn’t paid me for the season (pay me please)…Are you ok, Jim? We’re worried about you.
Lord of the Wins (3-1) – 134.10
FantasyFootballTeam (3-1) – 122.88
Why Rambo Won: Davan…no wait, Tonyan (30.80), Antonio Gibson (20.80), McKinnon (19.20)
Why Justin Lost: Lockett (4.90), Marvin Jones (1.40), Hunter Henry (4.90)
Going into Monday, Rambo was down 5 points facing Aaron Jones. Davante Adams? Out. Julio Jones?….5 points. So Rambo moves to 2-2, right? WRONG. Bobby. Tonyan. Who, you say? Oh, only the guy they call Touchdown Tonyan. At least I do now. Hilarious. Rambo the magician does it again. Justin’s team is still great. Russ had a bit of a letdown facing Miami, as did Lockett. Not much you can do when you run into the Tonyan Train.
We’re a quarter of the way through the season and it hasn’t been cancelled yet. Let’s keep it going!
-Eric
MAKE IT RAIN 