Dalvin & the Chipmunks (0-1) – 83.06 Da Bad News Bears (1-0) – 147.06
Why Tim won: DJ (22.70), KhaMarlon Mack (25.40), Fitz Greybeard (21.30) Why Eric lost: Jameis (10.06), Sony (1.40), O.J. Howard (3.20)
Tim’s reaction to starting 1-0
Tim was helped by 5 full quarters of play by 2 of his 3 top performers in the DET/ARZ tie but he really didn’t need it to beat me. With the exception of a sick Mike Evans, Tim’s whole team delivered and pummeled me into dust. I somehow find myself in the same place every year. I draft players on bad teams and I draft Patriots RBs. I must be a masochist. Sony will probably have his 20-30 point games this season as well but the fact I need to run him out there every week knowing that he has a 1 point floor is miserable. Fuck you Jameis, you suck at football. I thought Arians might be able to fix your bozo decision making but it is remarkably as bad as ever.
HotChubbTimeMachine (1-0) – 127.92 The Champ (0-1) – 115.80
Why Dave won: Deshaun Watson (31.72), Derrick Henry (28.40), Minnesota (16.00) Why Dags lost: Goose Miller (0.00), Poop Mayfield (12.40), Guice (5.30)
Dave cruised to a win to put Champ Dags in a 0-1 hole to start the year. Derrick Henry seems to have a 50+yd TD every week. BEAST. Interestingly enough, Dave’s win had little to nothing to do with his top 3 picks. Worrisome for Dave or for the rest of the league? We shall see. What a week for Dags! He went on a wild human roller coaster ride named Mr. Big Chest. He somehow ended up in a dream spot on the Pats. Will he stay there and produce? Time will tell. Certainly exciting for us Pats fans at the very least. Dags lost because Anthony Miller was literally invisible, Baker looked fucking awful and Guice got hurt for the 9th time in the 1 year he’s been in the league. Sounds like Dags might need some waiver wire help? Hmm, this guy looks pretty good: 7/13, 104 yd, 1 TD. He’s available?? Who is this guy?
UPDATE: ..after writing this Antonio Brown has been accused of sexual assault. So I guess we are on the down part of the roller coaster again.
Football Sage! (1-0) – 86.72 CBDGaveMeMagicPowers (0-1) – 81.02
Why Dad won: Uhh..Wentz? (25.02), umm…I’m out Why Ryan lost: Brandin Cooks (4.90), Mike Williams (3.90), Browns (0.00)
This was easily the ugliest win of the week. Dad probably just shrugged and was happy to take the win. Tyreek is out for a few weeks but the rest of his team’s poor performance is really nothing to be too concerned about. Diggs, who is notoriously bad playing when hurt, ACTUALLY played pretty well considering Kirk Cousins threw the ball TEN TOTAL TIMES. Super strange. If this is the Vikings strategy going forward I’d be worried but really, how can it be? It’s hard not to overreact week 1. Ryan’s team under-performed almost across the board but it can’t be that way all year. The only guys I would be mildly worried about are Mike Williams and Vance McDonald. Mike Williams just didn’t look involved in the game plan all that much. The Steelers offense was putrid and Vance doesn’t seem to be the #2 target (so far) that everyone thought he would be. He was a ghost and a goose egg candidate right up until the end of the game. Both of these teams will look to rebound next week.
Illegal use of hands (1-0) – 141.46 tbd (0-1) – 125.04
Why Brian won: Lamar Jax (33.56), Le’Veon Bell (20.20), Josh Gordon (14.80) Why Justin lost: Russell Wilson (16.64), Aaron Jones (4.40)
Juice is back..
Brian must be feeling good after week 1. Not only did Lamar Jackson dominate but he did it almost completely without his legs. 324 Pass Yds and 5 TDs is pretty damn good. To be fair, it was the Dolphins, so let’s not anoint him just yet. Le’Veon looks like 1st round fantasy pick material as well. Where were you on that last year asshole? It’s almost too perfect that Justin would’ve won if he had played Dak. How many QB predictions can I choke on in one paragraph?
P.S. Hey Justin, the season started buddy, might be time to pick a team name.
Just Doulis (0-1) – 95.52 I Hardly Hit Her (1-0) – 139.02
Who needs a team when you have Christian McCaffrey? CMC is very good at football and his coach isn’t afraid to give it to him literally every play. Good to see Delanie back and droppin’ hammers too. Super hilarious that Malcolm Brown immediately came in and stole 2 TDs from Gurley. Did George drop him because I mocked him for what ended up being the correct choice? Philly defense got caught with their pants down and got wrecked by Case Keenum and no one (besides Scary Terry (who?)). Hard to fault George for picking Philly D at home in this one. Assuming Mixon isn’t out for any great period of time I expect George’s team to see much better days than this one.
Why Jeff won: Ekeler (36.40), Nuk (27.10), E/Ingram (23.10, 22.70) Why Jim lost: Fournette (9.40), Ertz (7.90)
Really?
Jeff’s team scored a million points. Ekeler had 6 catches, 154 yards and 3 TDs. Nuk dropped a few balls and still threw up 27. Ingram played a peewee football team and Engram is the only non-Saquon target on the Giants. Jim put up 138? I know he lost, but really? Are you fucking serious? Am I being punked? I (rightly) mocked his JOKE of a WR squad and DeSean puts up 31 and Tyrell puts up 20? I mean you can’t make it up. If Jim does better than me this year, I’m drafting Darren Waller in the first, Vernon Davis in the 2nd and Stephen Gostkowski in the 3rd next year – Bizarro world stuff.
I cracked up when I saw Ryan’s bench. I just hate every guy on there. Not even saying it’s terrible, it’s just the un-sexiest bench I’ve ever seen. Just filled with boring dudes who probably schedule sex with their wives every Friday night….or the fantasy equivalent of that. Jordan Howard, Hines, Sanu, Barber. I would bet every penny I have that none of these guys break out. They are startable, predictable even; just super super boring.
Team: CBDGaveMeMagicPowers Strength: QB, RB – Ryan has the best QB in the league by a wide margin. Mahomes was literally 5 points per game better than the #2 QB last year. I am honestly surprised at the league-wide discipline on QBs. DEF patience is another story. I don’t personally like Ryan’s RBs but by ADP they are good on paper. Conner will flirt with RB1 numbers every week. Damien Williams’ hold on the job just got a lot shakier (McCoy) but I would think he has at least some role in the league’s best offense. Weakness: WR – Cooks is solid but he is a WR2 almost by definition. Behind that we have a lot of questions. Mike Williams should take the next step but his situation isn’t all that different from last year’s to make an enormous jump. Corey Davis is a good player stuck on a terrible offense with one of the league’s worst QBs. Sanu is last roster spot material. You pray you get stuck playing him maybe 1 week. Values: Patrick Mahomes (3.07), Peyton Barber (13.07) – Mahomes will literally be the only QB I have in the values column. As I mentioned above, Mahomes was 5 points better than the number 2 QB which would actually justify him being taken in the third round. Peyton Barber is currently listed as the starter. Any “starting” RB, no matter how terrible is a great value in the 13th round. Reaches:Damien Williams (2.06), Vance McDonald (7.07) – It is much easier to say that Damien Williams is a reach now that they have signed McCoy, but he probably would’ve been on here even if they didn’t. He is old and has never been good or even remotely relevant at any point in his career outside of the final 5 games last season. Just way too sketchy for me in the 2nd round. Vance McDonald is another speculative ‘well this guy should theoretically be good…someone has to take AB’s targets!’ He has been around for like 6-7 years and has never shown any signs of being anything outside of a TE streamer. Not buying it, especially in the 7th round.
Most Likely To Try To Catch Lightning in a Bottle Again: Brian
Juju – check. Bobby Woods – check. James White – check. Change is bad, change is scary. My team was good last year, surely the exact same strategy will work this year? Nothing changes in the NFL year to year, right? Jim, what do you think? Maybe I should rename this award to SECOND most likely.
Team: Illegal use of hands Strength: WR – Juju has #1 overall upside, Bobby Woods is on the WR1/2 borderline, Josh Gordon is ready to rock for Week 1, and Mike Gallup has the potential to take a big step forward as well. Manny Sanders is coming off a brutal injury but passed the eye test in the preseason. Brian is all set at wide receiver. Weakness: RB – Sketchy in a word. Le’Veon hasn’t played a snap in around a year and a half. He may return to being elite but that is a long time and he hasn’t gotten any younger. James White was very good last year. It is rumored (please) that Sony will be catching more balls this year which could lead to a diminished role for White. Jaylen Samuels is Brian’s 3rd and is a backup….and that’s it. This could be disastrous. Tune in to the waiver wire. Values: Emmanuel Sanders (9.08), Eric Ebron (14.05) – Sanders was a borderline WR1 last year. He did tear his achilles but if he can come anywhere near what he did last year, 9th is an enormous value. Yes, Eric Ebron lost Andrew Luck. However, weak QBs are known to rely on their tight ends. Eric Ebron was the 3rd best TE last year and was the 16th TE off the board: value Reaches:Lamar Jackson (5.08), LA Rams D (8.05) – 5th is too early for a non-Mahomes QB, especially one that can’t throw. 8th is way way way too early for a defense.
Most Likely To Be in Denial About His First-Rounder: George
George got hilariously defensive of Dags picking Darrell Henderson (a fine pick by Dags) to the point of altogether denying that Darrell Henderson is the backup and declaring that in fact, Malcolm Brown is actually Gurley’s backup. This is the classic situation where because George picked Gurley, he MUST believe that Darrell Henderson sucks. This is taking it to a hilarious extreme where George thinks that the 3rd round rookie (who the Rams traded up to go get) will not only NOT have a role, but isn’t even the backup. You can’t will Darrell Henderson out of existence no matter how many Malcolm Browns you draft, Georgie boy.
Team: Just Doulis. Strength: RB, QB – Gurley was the #1 RB last year and Mixon is a solid RB1. Carson was already good last year and is hyped to get more catches this year. RAJAHS! Aaron Rodgers at the end of the 7th is a steal. Weakness: TE…RB? – Weakness at tight end is meh. Hooper stinks but who cares, George is gonna probably stream here. Weakness and strength at RB? Huh? If Gurley sucks or gets hurt this team collapses in on itself like a fallen star. Mixon is behind one of the league worst O-lines and Cincinatti is a strong candidate for #1 pick next year. Both guys are talented and high upside but I can easily see a scenario where both suck this year and take George’s team down with them. Values: Aaron Rodgers (7.09), John Brown (13.09) – Aaron Rodgers in previous years has gone in about the third round. I would reasonably expect him to be healthy this year so to get him in the 7th is an absolute steal. I really like the John Brown pick as well. JB and Josh Allen seem to be a match made in heaven. John Brown is super fast and Josh Allen can chuck it a quarter mile. We’ll see if the chemistry is there but 13th for a potential solid WR2/3 is very good value. Reaches: Todd Gurley (1.09), Malcolm Brown (14.04) – Again, I’m a fan of the get-your-guy approach. However, I am not a fan of the ‘take a super risky guy in the first’ approach. Give me the boring 16-20 point per game WR (Nuk, Davante, MT13, Julio, Odell) instead. Malcolm Brown isn’t so much a reach as it is a complete waste of a pick.
Most Jim Team Award: Jim
Wow. Where do I even begin? Let’s start with the fact that Jim very clearly auto-drafted and the list that he fed the auto-drafter was just his exact team from last year. It started out the same as last year and then from there each pick was more shocking than the last. Jim has (by design?) largely the same team as last year, he just took all of the guys on it several rounds too early. I’m betting on his record come the playoffs being 2-11.
Team: 2ndPlaceTechnicality Strength: TE – Jim again went with the TE premium strategy of TE->TE. Needless to say Jim has the 2 best tight ends in the league. That’s something I guess. Weakness: Everything Else – Jim was somehow last to draft both a RB and a WR. His first WR was drafted in the NINTH round. Literally a jaw-dropping stat. Without being too harsh, Jim’s team is super weak at WR and RB. Fournette and Lindsay are a shaky duo at best with a ton of question marks. Jim found his WRs in a pile of trash behind a bakery…like astonishingly bad. Defense in the 5th, kicker in the 6th – my eye is twitching. Just…why? Can Jim make the playoffs with this hot pile of garbage? There is no justice in the world, so probably. Values: LeSean McCoy (7.10) – Humorously enough, the reason he ends up being a value here is because he is on the Chiefs. Jim drafted him when he was on the Bills. Reaches: Don’t make me list out the entire team. Just look for yourself.
Most Likely To Make Their Team Name a Dick Joke : Dave
You’re welcome
-Flappin in the Brees -Butt Stuff (my favorite) -HotChubbTimeMachine
Dave has no shortage of dick jokes at the ready. I guess Nick Chubb is really just his actual name and Butt Stuff technically isn’t a dick joke…whatever. I’m just about out of material here…
Team: HotChubbTimeMachine Strength: RB, WR – Dave has arguably the most solid RB core in the league: Chubb – a proven stud who will probably only get better this year, Freeman – due for a bounce-back year in a Tevin-less backfield, and Derrick Henry who scored 5 points per game the first 10 games and 500 points per game in the last 6. Davante Adams finished as the #1 WR last year and a combo of Ridley/Landry/Marvin/Golden Tate can easily fill the #2 role. This team is good. Weakness: TE – Kyle Rudolph sucks. Who cares, small price to pay when the rest of your team is good. Values: Nick Chubb (2.02), Devonta Freeman (3.11) – Chubb is the (for the most part ~ see Kareem Hunt) unquestioned workhorse in what should be one of the league’s top offenses. He could return early 1st value. Freeman is speculative but could easily perform a round (maybe more) better than where he was drafted. Reaches:Deshaun Watson (5.11) – He is good but I don’t like QBs this early. I don’t think he will be enough better than the rest of the pack to warrant going this much earlier.
Most Likely to Mail It In At the End of This Thing: Eric
This thing took like 5 fucking hours to write, I’m done.
Team: Dalvin & the Chipmunks Strength: RB – Dalvin, Sony (and hopefully Melvin eventually) form a solid RB core. Weakness: Lack of star power – I think my team is solid but without Melvin it doesn’t really have a wow factor. I will probably need to rely on waiver wire prowess to take this team to the next level. Values: How do I answer this one for myself? Guys I think I got good value on: MT13, Dalvin, Sterling Shep, Goff, Jameis, RoJo (in the 14th). It’s my draft, of course I think I got values. Reaches: Melvin and Tevin considering the past week’s news.
I asked everyone for their votes for best and worst team without being able to vote for yourself. Everyone got back to me except Dags. He had a week to give me two team names and I need to get this thing out before football season starts. So you’re not crazy if you are counting only 11. Also, my Dad voted for 2 people for the best and 0 people for the worst since he flat out refused.
Dave got 36.3% of the vote for best, Jim got 70% of the vote for the worst. Make of that what you will. Football is finally BACK! Good luck everyone, hope you enjoyed this.
QBs Drafted: 22 (2018: 21) RBs Drafted: 63 (2018: 58) WRs Drafted: 65 (2018: 68) TEs Drafted: 18 (2018: 21) First to Draft a QB: Ryan (Patrick Mahomes – 3.07) Last to Draft a QB: Rambo (Ben Roethlisberger – 13.03) First to Draft a TE: Jim (Travis Kelce – 1.10) Second to Draft a TE: Jim (Zach Ertz – 2.03) Last to Draft a TE: Rambo (Delanie Walker – 11.03) Last to Draft a RB: Jim (Leonard Fournette – 3.10) Last to Draft a WR: Jim (DeSean Jackson – 9.10)
Some shocking stuff…anywho, I’m sure I’ll get into that soon enough.
The Most Likely to Make a Homoerotic Comment About a Slot WR on the Detroit LionsAward: Champ Dags
What better way to start a new year than with an old joke? No, our champion did not draft Danny Amendola this year but I couldn’t resist. Alternate titles:
Least likely to be able to take a joke at their expense
Most likely to stew over an insult for an extended period of time
Most likely to remind me about picking Rex Burkhead
Most likely to complain about Slack
Team: F*theTrade (see above) Strength: RB, QB – tough to say your team doesn’t have a strength at RB when you have Saquon. Chris also took a bunch of lottery tickets at RB, a few of which are bound to pay off (Jacobs/Guice). I’m not a huge Baker fan but I seem to be in the minority here as he is one of the commonly high-ranked QBs for 2019. Everyone knows I love me some Rivers and he is bound to be a very solid, reliable backup QB/streamer like he is every year. Weakness: WR, TE – Question mark city at WR: No one doubts the talent of AB or T.Y. but both got huge QB downgrades, not to mention AB’s brain is a pile of mush. Kirk and Anthony Miller are fine picks but neither has proven they are fantasy-startable yet. I like Mark Andrews but I wouldn’t like relying on him as my only tight end. Values: Guice (6.12), Anthony Miller (13.01) – Guice has a chance to return much higher value than a 6th/7th rd price tag, I like the gamble here. Anthony Miller in the 13th is practically free. This could pay off in a big way if Trubisky takes the next step this year. Reaches:Baker Mayfield (5.01), Mark Andrews (8.12) – Is Baker going to be 3 rounds better than Aaron Rodgers? 5 rounds better than Goff? 8 Rounds better than Roethlisberger? Doubt it. Mark Andrews can be had in the 11th-13th range of most drafts.
Most likely to start his league’s draft 5 minutes early without telling anyone: Justin
I log onto my computer. My palms are sweaty. My heart races. Am I going to make it? I look to the bottom right corner of the screen and audibly exhale in relief. It is 8:28. The draft screen loads and the first thing I see is a red blinking clock that reads :05. Realizing that this is not a drill, I desperately scan who is there, see DeAndre Hopkins and click on his dread-locked portrait in the nick of time. Draft start time? 8:30. How is this possible you ask? Some kind of clock error? No, can’t be that, it auto-syncs with the internet. What I do know is I’m going to get to the bottom if this conspiracy.
Team: tbd Strength: RB, WR – I like this team. 3 very good starting RBs in Kamara, Aaron Jones and (presumably) Duke Johnson. The WR squad is good (on paper) as well. Assuming Amari Cooper continues his Dallas success, he could be a WR1, and although I don’t love Golladay or Alshon, both are fine as WR2 and WR3 respectively. AJG waiting in the wings could prove to push this team over the edge. Weakness: TE, Depth – Njoku has the talent to take it to the next level, he just hasn’t. Will this be the year? Nothing bad to say about the starting squad but the depth is shaky. Let’s pretend Zeke reports and Pollard is relegated to backup duties. Now one of his starting 6 (RB/RB/WR/WR/FLEX/FLEX) gets hurt. Who is Justin playing? Goodwin? The unproven and hurt D.K.? Pray for no injuries, Zeke to stay in Mexico, and AJG to make a quick and full recovery. Values: Alshon Jeffery (6.11), A.J. Green (9.02) – I don’t particularly like Alshon but he is the number 1 WR on a team with an MVP-caliber QB. End of the 6th for a guy drafted in the mid-5th with the potential for more is good value. I love the A.J. Green pick. If A.J. comes back and stays healthy this has the makings of a league-winner. In the 9th round, it cost him practically nothing – nice pick. Reaches:Aaron Jones (2.11), Dak (10.11) – Aaron Jones isn’t an egregious reach and I’m a fan of the “get your guy” approach. Still, the earlier the pick the larger the reach-impact and this is about a full round earlier than he typically goes. Justin no longer has poop Jimmy Graham on his team so I need a new guy to shit on. Dak sucks. I borderline don’t think he should be drafted. 10th is early for a backup QB. Rd 16 would be too early for Dak. He stinks, I don’t like him.
The ‘I Hate Women’ Team Award: Rambo
Patrick’s cavalier acceptance of domestic violence is disturbing to say the least. Kareem Hunt’s big boot…Big Rapey Ben…Keenan Allen doesn’t hit women, he just thinks they should stay in the kitchen (paraphrasing). If you wanted to extend this award to being a generally deplorable human being you can throw in AP and perhaps the worst of them all, Justin Tucker. Go sing some more opera you fucking loser.
Team: I Hardly Hit Her Strength: WR – Rock solid here. Got Julio super late, Keenan Allen, a WR1, as his WR2, Edelman, a solid WR1/2 as his WR3 and Will Fuller, who is a WR1/2 when healthy (big if). Valdes-Scantling has big potential this year too if that offense goes the right way. Weakness: Non-McCaffrey RB – It’s only 1 slot so not a huge deal but if Miles Sanders doesn’t promptly take over, this seems like a void. Probably fine if you play the ‘pick the best of: Sanders, Breida, AP’ game, just no one really stands out right now. Any kind of injury to McCaffrey would lay this team bare. Values: Julio Jones (2.10), Delanie Walker (11.03), Ben Roethlisberger (13.03) – Julio is still one of the best WRs in the game and to snag him at the end of the 2nd is a steal. Patrick took the late TE AND the late QB approach, strategies I respect. It can sometimes go south and you end up with a pile of dogshit but I’d say Delanie and Big Ben are right where you want to be with this strategy. Big Ben was the #3 QB last year! With no AB he is bound for regression but he was 17th QB off the board: nice job. Reaches:Matt Breida (7.03), Dion Pewis (8.10) – The Breida hype is out of control. To take him over Tevin is insane I think but I am obviously a little biased there. Still – 7th is too early for the (projected) lesser half of a committee on a weak offense. Speaking of the lesser half of a committee on a shitty offense – Dion L(P)ewis! Dude stinks, I’m not sure he’s even draftable. I don’t understand the reach on a guy who is ice cold. The offense is trending down and Derrick Henry is trending up. Maybe Patrick can explain this one to me.
Most Likely to Bitch About His Luck Pre-Week 1: Jeff
I had a hard time finding one for Jeff. Thankfully Shady went to the Chiefs killing all of Jeff’s hopes and dreams for his 10th round pick Darwin Thompson. This unleashed a hilarious tirade as Jeff had Thompson in about every one of his leagues. It’s going to be ok Jeff, he was your 10th rounder. You need to pace yourself, it’s a long year. I at least wait until about 1:23 on the first Sunday to bemoan doing fantasy in the first place.
Team: 141 2/3% ChanceToWin Strength: WR, TE – Jeff went WR WR this year ending up with two of the games’ best: Nuk and Odell. They are arguably the 2 most enjoyable players to watch in the NFL. With Doug Baldwin retiring, Lockett should see the lion’s share of targets and has a strong connection with Russ as it is. Sammy and Sutton are both high upside picks in the later rounds. Engram without Odell has historically been very good. Someone has to catch some passes for the Giants. Engram is in a very good spot for fantasy. Weakness: RB – Jeff’s team is solid all around so this is probably his biggest weakness. They are all guys that could theoretically be good but all have legitimate question marks. Kerryon is good but will he be given the workhorse treatment? Mark Ingram is in a run-heavy offense but he is 29 and on a new team. Melvin Gordon will be returning in Week 1 (please) so Ekeler loses a lot of appeal. Jeff will be rooting for Damien Williams and Dalvin Cook injuries this year (Darwin Thompson/Alexander Mattison). Values: Odell Beckham Jr. (2.09), Courtland Sutton (11.04), Kyler Murray (12.09) – Odell has been getting drafted in the early 2nd so this is more speculative but Odell has strong potential to finish the year as the WR1. His level of talent with a competent offense and a non-Eli QB could put up huge numbers this year. I don’t particularly like the next 2 guys but the value is undeniable. Emmanuel Sanders is coming off of a fairly recent achilles injury, the worst/slowest injury to recover from not to mention he is in his 30s now. We all know (except baby Patrick) how slow your body is to recover after you hit 30. Sutton merely needs to reach out his hand and take the opportunity off the silver platter; 11th is good value for a potential WR1 on his team. I’m not a Kyler believer but his ceiling is prime Russell Wilson. That is worth a gander in the 12th round. Reaches:Cam Newton (8.09), Darwin Thompson (10.09) – Both Cam’s shoulder and ankle injuries scare me. 8 is too early for my taste, especially with the wealth of talent at the position. The backup to the KC RB job is highly coveted and there is legitimate reason to question Damien Williams who is a career journeyman. However, we don’t really know if Darwin Thompson is actually good at football (6th round rookie) or even if he is for sure the backup. Too early for me.
UPDATE: Since writing this, KC picked up Shady McCoy and Jeff dropped Darwin Thompson. Looks like I was right on the reach.
Most Likely To Think He Picked Khalil Mack, Not Marlon Mack: Tim
Mack…Mack….Mack. MACK. Boom. Steal. Bears. Wait. Who is this Marlon character? Oh well, I’ll just take the whole Bears D next round. Bears.
Team: Da Bad News Bears Strength: Sheer Number of Bears, WR, TE – I like Tim’s WRs. Evans is my boy and has overall #1 potential. ARob is underrated (in my opinion) and Dede could really break out this year. Probably coach-speak but Dede’s OC (John DeFilippo) said he was the best route runner he has ever coached. DeFilippo was the Vikings OC last year so the implication is that he is a better route runner than Diggs and Thielen: 2 of the game’s best. Likely a major exaggeration but still exciting. Kittle broke the TE yards record last year so, yeah Tim is good at TE. Weakness: Probably Too Many Bears, RB, Depth – Don’t like DJ or Marlon Mack. How DJ is getting drafted at 5 is a mystery to me. He wasn’t particularly good last year on arguably the worst team with the worst offense (last year), has a new coach and a new QB. I’m out, gimme one of the top WRs there. I liked Marlon Mack until Luck retired. I think he is a fine/good player, just much less appealing now. I pretty much wouldn’t want any of the guys on Tim’s bench on my team. That sums it up. Values: Allen Robinson (6.08), James Washington (15.05) – Allen Robinson is one of those guys most people seem to hate. In 2015 he had 1400 yds and caught 14 TDs from Bortles and hasn’t been able to replicate that level of success since. Still, the guy is as talented as ever and is the #1 target in a budding offense. 6th rd is good value here. James Washington is currently the speculative 3rd WR who is in a spot to jump Moncrief for the #2 WR spot. In the 15th, this has the makings of a sneaky steal. Reaches:Chicago Defense (5.05), Mike Davis (12.08) – I’m pretty sure I shit all over Justin last year for taking a defense in the 8th round. That was a really terrible decision. Where do I even begin with this? You could’ve picked Chicago D for the meme value like 5 rounds later. There are actual good guys to take in round 5! Literally a nauseating pick. Mike Davis, another bear, is probably not draftable. He is veteran depth on a team with 2 talented up-and-comers (Montgomery, Cohen).
The ‘Fuck it, I’m All In’ Award: Dad
Dad is going all in on the first hand. Taking Zeke is a very risky proposition. You are essentially betting any enjoyment in this league right away, with your first pick. If Zeke doesn’t play the entire year, you lose. Zero fun. Your team stinks. What was he supposed to do? Take a slightly worse guy that will guaranteed play 16 games this year? No gamble, no future.
Team: Football Sage! Strength: WR, QB – Excellent receivers. Tyreek is arguably a steal in the late 2nd if is able to replicate what he did last year. Diggs is always reliable to ride the WR1/2 borderline. Godwin has been perhaps one of the most hyped players coming into this season and rightfully so. He has talent, situation, a new offense-minded coach, and it is his 3rd year, (the WR breakout year). Having Robby Anderson as a 4th is gravy. I like a healthy Wentz having a rebound year. The year before last he was the leading MVP candidate until he got hurt. Jimmy G in the 16th is a solid backup. Weakness: RB – I would be pooping my pants if I were Dad. He has 3 RBs. Zeke, to the point of writing this, has not reported. It also does not sound too optimistic. Montgomery, who I like but has not played a snap yet. Penny – the lesser committee back who also stunk last year. If Zeke doesn’t start, that is a frightful starting duo. Even more frightening when you literally have no else to turn to if either don’t work out. Keep your eyes on the waiver wire Dad. Values: Ezekiel Elliott (1.06), Tyreek Hill (2.07) – Let’s call these potential values. Dad started with a pair of risks, not where I would take my risks but to each their own. Dad has a little gamble in his blood. Zeke has #1 overall fantasy player upside. If he reports soon, this is a great pick. Tyreek is saddled with baggage but is one of the most talented players in the NFL. If he can keep his nose clean Tyreek should return 1st round value. Reaches:David Montgomery (4.07), New England D (9.06) – This was about a round too early for David Montgomery for my taste. Again, I don’t hate the get-your-guy approach so this one isn’t egregious. New England D in the 9th is a pretty inexcusable pick. 1) Never take a defense this early 2) NE is ranked like 10, so not even a premium defense to reach for 3) I don’t care who is there, take a RB here. You had 2 to this point.
************************************************************************ *Part 2 will be coming soon, probably before Sunday, hopefully before Thursday night. ************************************************************************
Why Eric won: A big ‘ol Chubb (34.40), DJ (33.80), Breida (26.70) Why Dags lost: Cam (15.72), Grolsen (6.00), Mixon (9.50), SF (1.00)
Who
said my team sucked? My team is GREAT. I needed this one bad. It only
would have been made sweeter if dear Rex Burkhead were in the lineup for
this one. Also, if I lost in the only week where my RBs dropped 30
hammers and Dags’ WRs (who I have dumped on all season) outperformed
mine, I probably would have killed myself. Dags’ team is still awesome
and he is a virtual lock for the playoffs. I’m too lazy to look but this
has to be a top-3 losing score for the entire season. I still need to
borderline win out to make the playoffs but I’m not dead and I’m all
about moral victories and this was a big one for team E-Held.
Flappin in the Brees (3-7) – 124.00 W Eaters (5-5) – 144.24
Why Jeff won: Zeke (33.70), Cooks (21.90), Kenny G (16.80) Why Dave lost: Tevin (7.80), Poop Pats D (1.00), Marquez Valdes-Ramirez-Gonzalez-Hernandez-Scantling (7.40)
Don’t
look now but Jeff’s team is trending up. Rams losing Kupp for the
season can only mean more juice for Cooks. The Lions traded away Golden
Tate which can only mean the jazz man will see more targets. The Cowboys
seem to be semi-getting their shit together and they got a new O-line
coach and Zeke certainly showed off his 2nd (fantasy) overall pick value
this week. Jeff, like me, could’ve had 20 more points too if he had
played the correct QB. Tough loss for Dave since it is likely the one to
eliminate him from playoff contention barring something very strange
happening. The Brees/Kamara tandem is as strong as ever and will look to
spoil other playoff hopefuls (me in Week 12 when they play Atlanta –
woof).
Da Bad News Bears (4-6) – 104.00 RayLewisIsAnIdeaMan (4-6) – 110.14
Why Ryan won: Russ (26.24), TG2 (23.50), Wash D (17.00) BUZZER BEATER SHEP (10.60) Why Tim lost: Golden Tate (2.90), Ben Watson (0.60), Alf (1.90)
Ryan
won this one at the VERY LAST MOMENT. Sterling Shepard actually had a
terrible game but how can you not include him in the reasons Ryan won
when it was his TD with about :50 on the clock Monday night that
clinched it? Ryan has his back against the wall and Sterling Shepard
kept him alive to see another day. His team performance was pretty
mediocre and he badly missed Adam Thielen but strong days out of his
kicker and defense bailed him out this week. The Golden Tate trade hurt
Tim pretty badly. You never know how a guy’s first week with a new team
is going to be. He even had the bye week to learn the offense so you
can’t blame Tim for running him out but 2 catches for 19 yards
essentially lost him the week. Maybe having to play Alf Morris had
something to do with it as well. Tim is still alive at 4-6 but he needs
to win out and put up some big numbers to have a shot.
Pittsburgh Kneelers (5-5) – 106.80 Obi Juan (4-6) – 98.00
An
uninspiring win but a big win for Justin nonetheless. If you look
beyond the guys I mentioned in his win, it is pretty hard to find
anything positive but Aaron Jones ran all over Miami (15 carries/145
yds/2 TDs) and OBJ tied his TD total for the year in last night’s game.
Patrick is probably furiously refreshing Schefter’s twitter today
praying that Le’Veon Bell shows up to give him a shred of hope for the
remainder of the season. LeSean McCoy DID show up this week and crushed a
bad Jets team. Patrick’s receivers left a lot to be desired though with
Alshon going only 4/48/0 and Tyler Boyd 3/65/0 in a game where
Cincinatti was missing A.J. Green. At 4-6 Patrick isn’t dead yet either
but he needs some help (from Leveon).
Football Sage! (6-4) – 127.80 Just Doulis. (3-7) – 106.12
Why Dad won: Tyreek (29.20), Davante Adams (19.70), Wentz (22.10) Why George lost: Kupp (RIP, 6.40), Sony (3.10), David Njoku (2.30), Doug Baldwin (6.50), Ito (4.60)
Dad’s
team put up another effortless victory, lazily cruising into the
playoffs. Congrats to Tyreek Hill on the best celebration of the year by
a mile. Dad continues his nice little DST streak this week as well with
Buffalo (11.00) over the Jets. George? George throws another corpse
into his mass grave of fantasy players. This has been George’s storyline
for the 2018 season and it is one that is unpleasant to experience.
Time to start looking forward to something else. True Detective season 3
maybe? Could be good. Illegal use of hands (7-3) – 101.56 Kelces ball Zac Ertz (7-3) – 123.16
Why Jim won: Fournette (25.40), Ertz (33.50), Anthony Miller (20.70) Why Brian lost: James White (5.10), Mike Williams (0.00), Kareem (10.60)
Jim
took the Jets D against the Bills’ backup’s backup’s backup. Who could
blame him? Well, they got -3.00 points. That would have been a brutal
way to lose but thankfully for Jim, Zac Ertz balled out to the tune of
14/145/2. WOW. Fournette rejoined the squad as well to add 25 points to
the board. I didn’t see the game and his line actually looked pretty bad
(24 carries/53 yds) but I guess it is the volume and the TDs that
matter. Jim, you made the playoffs. Take next week off and let whoever
it is that you may be playing have an easy win. Brian’s heavy hitters
didn’t hit all that heavy this week. Kareem and James White underwhelmed
and Mike Williams didn’t show up for an easy game against the Lynn
Classical JV squad. Wouldn’t be remotely worried if I were Brian though.
The only thing he needs to be concerned with is locking up a bye. (Special shout-out to Jim for the shit-talk assist this week. I didn’t ask for it but I appreciated it.)
Isn’t
it funny how my recap effort is directly proportional to how well my
team is doing? Final 3 Weeks! Looks like the top 4 are essentially
locked for the playoffs but those 5 and 6 spots are wide open! Good
luck!
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MAKE IT RAIN 